How to Talk to Your Kids About Crime

Posted in General FAQ'S on December 16, 2016

In Anchorage, Alaska, three first graders plotted to poison another student. Thanks to a classmate who heard their discussion and spoke up, everyone is safe. If it weren’t for that student’s courage to speak out, however, a child could have become very sick and even died.

These can be frightening times. As parents, we must balance protecting our children with keeping them innocent of traumatic events. It’s important to talk with your children about the very real dangers of violence in schools and empower them to speak up when they hear something they know is wrong or dangerous.

Teach Your Kids to Speak Up

Though it may be a difficult conversation, talk to your children about the violence they hear about – and may witness – at school or on the playground. Even if children don’t mention their concerns (and often they won’t unless prompted) kids have wide eyes and ears that take in everything. By starting a conversation about what to do in a situation where classmates are plotting crimes against other kids, you’ll empower them to speak up on their own when they have a real concern.

Discussions with your children about school violence should always be age appropriate. For young children in early elementary school, talk with them in simple terms, always emphasizing that school is a safe place. You can:

• Discuss when it’s okay to “tattle.” If someone is talking about hurting someone else, they should feel confident that a teacher or another adult will address the situation.

• Foster a listening attitude. Ask your kids questions, and let them know that what they say to you can be kept a secret unless that secret is harmful. If so, assure them that both you and the school will protect them against any retribution.  

• Talk with them about their teachers. If your kids understand that you and their teachers are on the same team, it will make it easier for them to open up about conversations that happened in school that might make them uneasy.

With children in upper elementary school, you can have a slightly more nuanced discussion as you talk about school violence and how to prevent it. With children this age, you can:

• Help them understand why “joking” about threats isn’t a good idea.
• Ask them to give you examples of times they’ve witnessed bullying.
• Brainstorm concrete strategies for sticking up for others.
• Roleplay what to say to a teacher or other adult if they need to report something.
• Let them know that they can come to you with concerns without fear of consequences.

Older children and teenagers in middle school and high school are at an age where we can truly consider them “young adults.” Take their maturity into account in discussions about preventing school violence. Kids at this age start to form their own, often very strong opinions about violence, bullying, and what adults can and can’t do about it – typically based on what they’ve experienced in their younger years. With middle and high school students, the conversation about school violence should:

• Show that you take their ideas and suggestions for preventing school violence seriously.

• Acknowledge concerns that children this age have about “fitting in” or being left out while reminding them about the importance of speaking up.

• Realistically discuss the nature of threats students may hear or face at school, and make a list of people they trust to tell if they see or hear something serious.

Often, adults will find that children – even young ones – have a more sophisticated understanding of issues such as school violence than we might expect. When we let children know that they’ll be heard and believed if they speak up, and show them that we as adults take their concerns seriously, we empower them to take action to prevent school violence and make our schools safer places for everyone.